(Just Friend was written on July 10, 2007)
Previously... After The Storm Part 1
Quote: " Back at the Beacon, Josh, with suitcase in hand, turned the corner to his room and saw Billy standing there.
"Well little brother," Billy asked grinning ear to ear, "how'd it all go?"
"I think you were right Billy. A night at Cross Creek was exactly what I needed, though it didn't turn out quite the way I'd imagined." Josh said with a wink.
"Plenty of time for all that later", Billy said patting Josh on the back he added, "Hey…did ya send the flowers."
"Yes, she called said they were beautiful", Josh said smiling, "Hey Billy…how do you remember the exact ones she likes every time?"
Billy just shook his head, grinning and singing a little tune he made his way down the hallway. Josh shrugged and entered his room. Billy turned around… a slow sad smile on his face looking back to where his brother had been standing and thought to himself, because I love her ALWAYS too."
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Billy made his way out of the Beacon and over to his car. Though he tried, he just couldn't erase the image of Reva and what her face must have looked liked when those baby blues of hers caught sight of the spring blooms displayed before her. Lost in the thought, he almost didn't see the car approaching…blaring horn, screeching tires, a stumbling jump backwards and Billy was out of danger. The smell of burning rubber and the rush of the moment quickly faded his image of Reva to black. Breathing a sigh of relief, he thought it best to keep his mind on Lewis Oil and the task at hand…getting Josh and Reva onto solid ground once again. Sighing at the thought, he continued to his car, at that moment an idea began to take shape. A smile slowly worked its way across his lips as he thought no harm in paying a little hospitable visit to Cross Creek to get the lady's take on the evening. Gunning the engine Billy headed off on the familiar road once again, to Reva.
Reva had sat caught in a whirlwind of emotion holding the card Josh included with the flowers for hours. She read and reread it all morning. She wasn't sure she should let her heart rule her head in this matter of Joshua Lewis, and being surrounded by the loving arms and enticing charms of the home they once shared wasn't helping any. She had tried to clear her cluttered mind of its extra baggage and put some order and rational between her head and heart, but all she managed to do during her walk was wander in a dizzying path between clarity and disarray. All too freely, tears found themselves at the doorway of her eyes, and she finally surrendered making her way back to the familiar arms of Cross Creek. Arriving home, she discovered she was bone tired and decided the best thing just might be to sleep on it for a bit. If nothing more, it might allow her thoughts to settle and her heart to stop aching so. She slowly slid out of her jacket and aimlessly kicked off her shoes making her feel a little more comfortable at least. She lay back onto the couch and pulled a blanket over herself feeling too tired to bother with the task of making her way to the bedroom. Closing her eyes, she drifted off - smiling, as her dreams once again carried her away.
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Startled, Reva sat up, the blanket across her legs fell to floor in a soft pile. She fought to erase the sleep from her mind as she went to answer the door.
"This better not be Josh", she thought to herself," I'm not ready to dig through the wreckage of this particular broken relationship just yet."
Lowering her gaze, she pulled open the door, ready to dismiss her visitor.
"Josh…I just can't…" she began, but was cut off mid sentence by the grinning face before her.
There stood Billy Lewis smiling just like the cat who caught the Canary. Laughing to herself, she swore the devil himself sometimes took up residence in that man's soul.
"Why Billy Lewis, as I live and breathe", she said her most mischievous grin dancing across her face, "what brings you to Cross Creek today?"
"My, my, I just never know what I'll find on my doorstep", she added, leaning casually against its solid frame.
The air smelled faintly of last evening's rain… and it seemed as if all at once the flowers, in all their brilliant colors, had come out to surround them.
"Hello Reva girl. Can't a friend pay a visit now and then?" Billy asked his face covered in a blanket of mock boyish innocence.
"Yeah right Billy," Reva said moving aside and faking a bow, "Come on in, and oh, by the way…thanks for the flowers."
Billy laughed and followed Reva into the house. He loved the way her smile lit up her eyes. He watched as she made her way across the floor. Goodness…even after all these years just standing next to her could make his heart skip a beat.
"Aww Reva, don't be mad. Come on. My little brother just needs a…a nudge every once in a while is all", his eyes danced as he said the words.
"Sure he does Billy," she said. With a pause she asked, "how come you never do ?" Looking at him, she wished she hadn't said those words.
An awkward silence filled the space between them, each averting their gaze from the other. Reva couldn't help but get caught up in the sheer relief she always felt in Billy's presence. Oh they'd had their times in the past, but lately he always managed to surround her with such a feeling of acceptance, like she could, just for a moment dare to be herself. Sometimes, she thought he seems like the other half to the puzzle that Josh had become.
Billy glanced over to the table and saw the vibrant blooms in a cut crystal vase. They were exactly what he had told the florist to prepare. He had asked him to wrap a piece of spring in a bouquet and send it to the most beautiful girl he ever did lay eyes on. His heart swelled as he looked at the arrangement.
"Those them… oh boy they are somethin' aren't they", Billy said whistling as he made his way over pretending he needed a closer look.
Reva tracked his every move as he walked across the room. She loved how he loved life, how he just filled up a space with his presence.
"Yes there they are, and they were a perfect pick Billy Lewis, I love them." Reva said as slight hint of sadness touched those words.
Closing his eyes and taking a breath to prepare for her answers Billy turned around to face Reva.
"So how'd it all go last night? I saw Josh for a second before, and I figured since you were both still standing it couldn't have been all that bad." his smile purely infectious.
He ducked as she pretended to swing.
"Oh it went alright Billy, you know… same old same old and I'm no worse for the wear." She replied trying to sound lighter about it then she felt.
"Billy, did you ask Josh to come over and see me last night," Reva knew, as she asked, that he knew she already possessed the answer to that question. He also knew she needed to hear it from him.
"Now Reva, girl, don't go getting all upset on me about it, you know I'd do anything to make you happy," Billy responded, dancing around the idea of a yes or no answer.
Reva smiled in spite of herself because the answer was exactly what she had expected, somewhere between here and there. Billy always seemed to let her fill in the blanks herself.
"I have to admit it wasn't just me," Billy added, "Cassie asked me what I thought about the idea of you and Josh spendin' one more night together, and I agreed it was a fine idea."
"After all, the two of you, here at Cross Creek, maybe a blazin' fire and a drink or two to relax. What harm could there be in that?" Billy's play at innocence was so transparent, that Reva had to stifle her giggle.
"OK, ok, I give up," Reva said, "You are forgiven," she laughed, her smile lighting up the room.
Billy walked back over and sat down in the chair, stretching his legs out before him. Taking his cue she eased over to the couch, leaned down to retrieve the soft blue blanket from the floor, fanned it out, and folded it in half gently setting it down. Taking a seat, she thought to herself how different things were today from last night. No raging storm threatening to tear apart Cross Creek and her dreams, just vibrant morning sunshine and the scent of soft beautiful flowers surrounding them.
Billy smiled to himself. He loved catching her in her thoughts when her guard was down and she allowed herself the luxury of enjoying the moment. He felt a secret kind of pleasure and pride in knowing that she trusted him enough to just be herself. Lord knows that with Josh, he had watched her play a perilous game of hide and seek with her emotions and intentions trying not to disrupt the illusion he created. Josh…Billy sighed in his thought…what was wrong with his little brother? Always searching for his "perfect love," instead of realizing it was right before him all of the time.
"Forest for the trees…" Billy muttered under his breath.
Reva heard the words, and came back to reality.
"What did you say?" she asked.
"Aww… nothing. So what are you going to do now Reva?" Billy's question hung heavy in the air. It was the same thought that had been circling her world all morning long.
Reva's gaze fell to her lap. She felt as if Pandora's Box had been set at her feet and it was her call whether to open it or not. Unfortunately she guessed it had already been opened before her in last night's raging confusion.
"I don't know Billy," Reva began then stopped consumed by the gravity of it all while trying desperately to not let it show.
"Well what's to know, you love him don't you?" Billy asked knowing he needed to coax her true feelings a little. She always only revealed as much as she wanted someone to believe leaving the rest bubbling under.
"I do. You know that, but he's with Cassie, and…and even if he's not anymore, how on earth can he just move from one love to another in a single evening. I just…just don't understand him anymore." Reva's voice was full of pain, a pain she could no longer disguise.
It almost always broke Billy in two when Reva, trying to pretend life was just fine, spoke to him on waves of tears. He knew he needed to be strong. He knew Josh didn't love Cassie like he loved Reva. Goodness… from the minute he saw Josh and Reva's eyes meet as kids, he knew beyond a doubt he was hers. However there was also the matter of making sure this time they didn't tear into each other again. If ever there were two lovers who could destroy love as soon as they made it, it was them.
Reva looked so tired. He felt the weight bearing down upon her and knew she was once again trying to fool everyone with her dancing eyes, and casual remarks. Here at Cross Creek however, surrounded by the past she shared with Josh and the threat of an uncertain future facing her, it was harder for her to keep the illusion. Billy knew her all too well and saw through the act.
"Well…sometimes it is better to forgive a mistake then let it consume who you are," Billy suggested, testing the waters of her world. He added, "You amaze me sometimes how far you will BOTH go."
"Billy Lewis you know I wanted to tell Josh about the cancer, but I just couldn't…I couldn't let it destroy him like it was destroying me," Reva's voice raised a storm brewing behind her eyes, "Besides how does that give him the right to fall in love with…with…without ME!" She added softer... "To ... to fall out of love with me so very quickly?"
"Now he wants to…he wants to come back I guess, and I should be happy right? After all this is what I wanted, but yet I kept reading that card, and thinking those thoughts. And you know what? I'm not happy, I'm not sure, I'm just…just lost so lost Billy…How could things have gone so wrong, so very, very wrong?" The words rushed from her lips, almost beyond her control.
With tears threatening to spill, Reva glanced over at Billy. Like a sudden shock of freezing water, clarity hit her. She finally saw her own real, true hurt spread out before her. It really didn't have anything to do with Josh's cool indifference to her situation, it had to do with his ability to cast her love aside and move from woman to woman searching for a perfect fit while she sat in the wings waiting.
Billy was up, over, and beside her before the first tear fell, arms around her, he held her as she sobbed. The two sat alone. She brought with her tears enough for him to shed as well, he guessed, because he too was crying. He held her against him, his hand gently smoothing her hair as he had so many times in the year before. A small part of him still wished, as he did when she lay in her hospital bed with cancer consuming her, that just once her heart would slip and his name would escape her lips instead.
"Reva, I can't stand to see you hurt so badly." Billy's voice broke the silence of the moment.
"Oh I'm…I'm sorry. Sometimes it just seems like I shove all of my pain and problems onto you, and you really don't need to handle it. After all, I can take care of myself," Reva sniffed as she said it.
"Well nobody doubts that, however we can all use a friend once in awhile huh?" Billy voice was soft and laced with emotion.
"A best friend," she whispered.
Leaning back, he reached into his pocket and offered her a handkerchief.
"Thanks," she said drying her tears as he watched her.
"You are always there for me, aren't you," Reva sighed resting her head against his shoulder.
"Well, Reva girl, that's what friends do, through thick and thin", Billy replied.
Reva didn't have to see his face to know that big old grin was ear to ear, even though his eyes were full of tears. Sometimes, just every now and then, she wondered why she couldn't fall completely for him. Though the true reasons behind the idea loomed in back of her mind, she chose the fantasy of wondering why, over the reality of knowing why.
"Oh Billy, sometimes with you things just feel so…so…" her voice trailed off.
"Right" Billy finished not missing a beat.
"Exactly…but yet what's so strange is that sometimes when things feel so right…they turn out to be so very, very…" Reva stopped not wanting to give voice to the thought.
"Wrong." Billy added smiling sadly, "Yes Reva I do understand exactly what ya mean."
Both friends sat there side by side, sharing the empty spaces between them. Then, Billy turned and looked directly into Reva's blue eyes. They were still so wet from tears, and so laced with a special brand of uncertainty that only comes when a woman dances with a man on the line of lover-turned-friend.
"I know you love Josh. I know you both breathe for a moment in each others presence be it good or bad, and I know you will never love me like that...like him," he said taking her hand in his, so much smaller and softer then his own.
"It doesn't bother me because I have something…a piece of you….a piece of you that is always only mine, something my little brother cannot ever touch." Billy said.
His words were soft and mysterious and Reva was held captive trying to guess the message they were weaving.
"Dylan." Billy said softly, "I …we, have Dylan."
Reva's mouth opened, "What?" she said, more to herself then Billy.
"Yes Reva. We created this little piece of us that occasionally calls and says 'Hey dad!' That sometimes drops by just to see me, and when I see him, no matter what kinda crazy tales follow behind, I see us standing strong and proud. For a moment there is no Josh, no Josh and Reva… no always…there is just me and you Reva …just me and you looking right back at me." Billy's voice trembled a bit as his words caught.
"Oh, but Billy…we never…we never raised our son together." Reva said thinking of what they both must have missed in her giving the baby up.
"It doesn't matter to me Reva…it's all water under the bridge girl. What I see…all I see is a living breathing reminder that no matter where you go, or where I go, or who we both end up lovin' when we are old and gray, our love goes on. Now with Daisy back here it is just more of the same. Hell that girl makes me laugh! Sometimes she has that same fire in her as you did back then." Billy was smiling again; almost laughing thinking of the granddaughter they had also had a hand in creating.
"So see what one night can do? One night can change the course of a two lives forever; you just gotta have faith that if you give it time, good will come back around to you. Sometimes it just gets a little lost along the way is all." Billy was now holding both of Reva's hands in his.
"Oh, and yes I do love Marah, Shayne, and Jonathan too, but Dylan…well he's my little piece of us the one thing that makes it so easy to remember which flowers you like, and when you need to be held, or hollered at," Billy added a playfulness in his eyes as he continued, "but even without him...well…I'm pretty sure I'd still know those things, after all it wasn't just Josh paying attention to you all these years."
Reva felt tears spilling across her cheeks. She never knew that Billy felt this way. His words resonated through her mind reaching to her very sole. She loved him - that was true, a big teddy bear of a man who was quite a mix of boyish charm as well. Her protector and confidant, she was astounded by his admission.
"Billy Lewis I love you to the bottom of my heart I do, and I always will. I'm glad a piece of us goes on as well, however God help the rest of the world." she added breaking into laughter.
Reva leaned in and gave him a sweet, soft kiss. Billy blushed a little despite himself.
"So what….you don't offer a friend some coffee when he comes to visit?" he teased.
"Coming right up," she smiled.
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Back at the Beacon, Josh had finished unpacking. He looked around the quiet, lonely room wondering what to do next. He wanted to call Reva, to hear her voice and try to find out what to do from here, where ever here was for them. Cassie had been a mess when he left, but there was no other way and he'd known it for quite sometime. He knew she was the wrong choice, but for some reason when it came to Reva, his anger and a touch of foolish pride, though he couldn't admit this to her, always played a hand in their demise. Those feelings would take over and he would go adrift away from her clinging to the next island he approached, usually finding in the end that the land he longed for was never very far from his reach. This time, however, he felt they had just about both gone too far. He was beginning to see why she had held the secret of her struggle with her cancer at bay. Reva was stronger than he was, and as he picked up his keys for the drive to Cross Creek, he hoped that that strength would help her hold on and ride out their latest storm.
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Billy followed Reva to the kitchen and sat down, as she moved about, he watched her and knew this was going to be an uphill battle for both she and Josh. She had been hurt too badly this time, and he knew she wasn't done licking those wounds. Truth be known with Reva, one never knew what she'd really do in a situation until she'd up and done it, and usually by that time you were either caught up in the storm, or watching from the shores to see what would happen next.
"So… you never said what you were gonna do about Josh," Billy sounded casual, but he felt protective.
"You know Billy, I don't know. I can't forgive, I can't forget…not right now at least. But I don't feel it is an issue of either of those things anymore. You are right though, last night did change a lot for me and I need to be careful, and not deny the love I still feel for him as I make sense of the rest." Reva sounded just as confused as earlier.
"What is it an issue of then. Reva" Billy asked, he had to know her take on it. It was eating him up inside.
She set down a cup in front of him, Billy lifted it sipped the hot liquid waiting for her reply. The kitchen was so very sunny and shouldn't be filled by the shadows of this conversation.
"I think it is an issue of acceptance, just sheer acceptance. The thought that maybe we will always be just two people chasing different versions of the same dream, like children creating pictures in the clouds. With acceptance though, I think I can see him for who he is, and what he does. And maybe if he can do the same with me, then we'd really wouldn't be so far apart." Reva said, "But I'm not sure."
Tears threatened again, she was holding them back, wave after wave, in a daring attempt to calm the tide within.
"Sounds to me like an honest start is what you both need, air that darn dirty laundry, then fold it up and move on to something else…TOGETHER", Billy replied, "It's not good to hold onto some things in life Reva, best if you listen with your hearts as well as your heads, BOTH of you this time."
Then looking at his watch he said, "Oh Boy, time for me to get going, Lewis Oil won't run itself we both know that."
"I'll walk you the door," Reva smiled, "…how did you get so smart Billy Lewis?"
"I learned a lot of what I know from you, Reva, so don't sell yourself short, whether it be Josh or someone else, just be true to ...you." Billy took Reva's hand and they walked to the door.
"Don't you be a stranger," She smiled; her voice flirting with his thoughts.
"Impossible," Billy said, taking her face in his hands he leaned down and kissed her.
Josh meanwhile had pulled into the drive of Cross Creek, he sat in the car for a few minutes. He felt like a boy waiting to meet a girl's daddy on the first date. He was so nervous; he knew it would take a lot of building to create the bridges needed to fill the spaces this latest chapter had left in their relationship. One thing was sure, Reva was imprinted into his very sole and nothing could take her away. He still loved her in the light, and he felt this burning rush of desire to hold her and tell her over and over again that he always would. He began to make his way up to the door, looking down he realized he was standing in the very same spot they had struggled in last night. Perhaps, like a baptism of sorts that water had drawn them together. What was it about the two of them and water he wondered as he continued towards the door, like a river to the sea he guessed it was always only a matter of time.
Reva heard the sound before she could break away from Billy to look. It was like someone clearing their throat. Glancing at the screen door her breath caught and all at once a name sat on the edge of her lips. Leaning against the frame, one leg crossed over the other and arms folded in front of him was Joshua. His head cocked to the side with a smile gently resting on his lips he looked in on them.
"Hello Reva…Billy", he said with a nod of his head. He looked more amused than anything else.
"Joshua…" Reva said her voice losing its way.
"Well… I best be going, I think you two can take if from here, thanks for the coffee." Eyebrows raised Billy smiled and opened the screen, "Josh." He said with a nod.
Reva had a 'don't you dare leave me here like this' look in her eyes. Billy wasn't worried though; he knew he posed only a harmless, possibly irritating threat, but nothing to write home about.
Josh caught the screen with his hand as Billy walked by. Both brothers were eye to eye…no words were needed for their exchange to be complete. Then Billy walked away, not looking back till he reached his car. He saw the screen door shut, and Reva was lost to him. He started the car, licking his own wounds, and with his heart forever a little broken he drove away.
"Josh, it's…it's not what you might think," she said thinking here we go again, and bracing herself for his barrage of accusations.
Josh so very softly traced the curve of Reva's jaw with his fingertips. He took her face in his hands, and looked straight into those eyes that were so much like home for him. It was as if he was trying to capture this moment in his mind.
"Reva, I hope it is exactly what I think…two friends spending the morning together…just like they should," then he added, "nothing more."
Smiling he leaned in and met her lips, his coaxing hers lazily into a kiss that, despite her mixed emotions, turned out to be not half bad!
WRITTEN BY: TANIA ROBERTS
Previously... After The Storm Part 1
Quote: " Back at the Beacon, Josh, with suitcase in hand, turned the corner to his room and saw Billy standing there.
"Well little brother," Billy asked grinning ear to ear, "how'd it all go?"
"I think you were right Billy. A night at Cross Creek was exactly what I needed, though it didn't turn out quite the way I'd imagined." Josh said with a wink.
"Plenty of time for all that later", Billy said patting Josh on the back he added, "Hey…did ya send the flowers."
"Yes, she called said they were beautiful", Josh said smiling, "Hey Billy…how do you remember the exact ones she likes every time?"
Billy just shook his head, grinning and singing a little tune he made his way down the hallway. Josh shrugged and entered his room. Billy turned around… a slow sad smile on his face looking back to where his brother had been standing and thought to himself, because I love her ALWAYS too."
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Billy made his way out of the Beacon and over to his car. Though he tried, he just couldn't erase the image of Reva and what her face must have looked liked when those baby blues of hers caught sight of the spring blooms displayed before her. Lost in the thought, he almost didn't see the car approaching…blaring horn, screeching tires, a stumbling jump backwards and Billy was out of danger. The smell of burning rubber and the rush of the moment quickly faded his image of Reva to black. Breathing a sigh of relief, he thought it best to keep his mind on Lewis Oil and the task at hand…getting Josh and Reva onto solid ground once again. Sighing at the thought, he continued to his car, at that moment an idea began to take shape. A smile slowly worked its way across his lips as he thought no harm in paying a little hospitable visit to Cross Creek to get the lady's take on the evening. Gunning the engine Billy headed off on the familiar road once again, to Reva.
Reva had sat caught in a whirlwind of emotion holding the card Josh included with the flowers for hours. She read and reread it all morning. She wasn't sure she should let her heart rule her head in this matter of Joshua Lewis, and being surrounded by the loving arms and enticing charms of the home they once shared wasn't helping any. She had tried to clear her cluttered mind of its extra baggage and put some order and rational between her head and heart, but all she managed to do during her walk was wander in a dizzying path between clarity and disarray. All too freely, tears found themselves at the doorway of her eyes, and she finally surrendered making her way back to the familiar arms of Cross Creek. Arriving home, she discovered she was bone tired and decided the best thing just might be to sleep on it for a bit. If nothing more, it might allow her thoughts to settle and her heart to stop aching so. She slowly slid out of her jacket and aimlessly kicked off her shoes making her feel a little more comfortable at least. She lay back onto the couch and pulled a blanket over herself feeling too tired to bother with the task of making her way to the bedroom. Closing her eyes, she drifted off - smiling, as her dreams once again carried her away.
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Startled, Reva sat up, the blanket across her legs fell to floor in a soft pile. She fought to erase the sleep from her mind as she went to answer the door.
"This better not be Josh", she thought to herself," I'm not ready to dig through the wreckage of this particular broken relationship just yet."
Lowering her gaze, she pulled open the door, ready to dismiss her visitor.
"Josh…I just can't…" she began, but was cut off mid sentence by the grinning face before her.
There stood Billy Lewis smiling just like the cat who caught the Canary. Laughing to herself, she swore the devil himself sometimes took up residence in that man's soul.
"Why Billy Lewis, as I live and breathe", she said her most mischievous grin dancing across her face, "what brings you to Cross Creek today?"
"My, my, I just never know what I'll find on my doorstep", she added, leaning casually against its solid frame.
The air smelled faintly of last evening's rain… and it seemed as if all at once the flowers, in all their brilliant colors, had come out to surround them.
"Hello Reva girl. Can't a friend pay a visit now and then?" Billy asked his face covered in a blanket of mock boyish innocence.
"Yeah right Billy," Reva said moving aside and faking a bow, "Come on in, and oh, by the way…thanks for the flowers."
Billy laughed and followed Reva into the house. He loved the way her smile lit up her eyes. He watched as she made her way across the floor. Goodness…even after all these years just standing next to her could make his heart skip a beat.
"Aww Reva, don't be mad. Come on. My little brother just needs a…a nudge every once in a while is all", his eyes danced as he said the words.
"Sure he does Billy," she said. With a pause she asked, "how come you never do ?" Looking at him, she wished she hadn't said those words.
An awkward silence filled the space between them, each averting their gaze from the other. Reva couldn't help but get caught up in the sheer relief she always felt in Billy's presence. Oh they'd had their times in the past, but lately he always managed to surround her with such a feeling of acceptance, like she could, just for a moment dare to be herself. Sometimes, she thought he seems like the other half to the puzzle that Josh had become.
Billy glanced over to the table and saw the vibrant blooms in a cut crystal vase. They were exactly what he had told the florist to prepare. He had asked him to wrap a piece of spring in a bouquet and send it to the most beautiful girl he ever did lay eyes on. His heart swelled as he looked at the arrangement.
"Those them… oh boy they are somethin' aren't they", Billy said whistling as he made his way over pretending he needed a closer look.
Reva tracked his every move as he walked across the room. She loved how he loved life, how he just filled up a space with his presence.
"Yes there they are, and they were a perfect pick Billy Lewis, I love them." Reva said as slight hint of sadness touched those words.
Closing his eyes and taking a breath to prepare for her answers Billy turned around to face Reva.
"So how'd it all go last night? I saw Josh for a second before, and I figured since you were both still standing it couldn't have been all that bad." his smile purely infectious.
He ducked as she pretended to swing.
"Oh it went alright Billy, you know… same old same old and I'm no worse for the wear." She replied trying to sound lighter about it then she felt.
"Billy, did you ask Josh to come over and see me last night," Reva knew, as she asked, that he knew she already possessed the answer to that question. He also knew she needed to hear it from him.
"Now Reva, girl, don't go getting all upset on me about it, you know I'd do anything to make you happy," Billy responded, dancing around the idea of a yes or no answer.
Reva smiled in spite of herself because the answer was exactly what she had expected, somewhere between here and there. Billy always seemed to let her fill in the blanks herself.
"I have to admit it wasn't just me," Billy added, "Cassie asked me what I thought about the idea of you and Josh spendin' one more night together, and I agreed it was a fine idea."
"After all, the two of you, here at Cross Creek, maybe a blazin' fire and a drink or two to relax. What harm could there be in that?" Billy's play at innocence was so transparent, that Reva had to stifle her giggle.
"OK, ok, I give up," Reva said, "You are forgiven," she laughed, her smile lighting up the room.
Billy walked back over and sat down in the chair, stretching his legs out before him. Taking his cue she eased over to the couch, leaned down to retrieve the soft blue blanket from the floor, fanned it out, and folded it in half gently setting it down. Taking a seat, she thought to herself how different things were today from last night. No raging storm threatening to tear apart Cross Creek and her dreams, just vibrant morning sunshine and the scent of soft beautiful flowers surrounding them.
Billy smiled to himself. He loved catching her in her thoughts when her guard was down and she allowed herself the luxury of enjoying the moment. He felt a secret kind of pleasure and pride in knowing that she trusted him enough to just be herself. Lord knows that with Josh, he had watched her play a perilous game of hide and seek with her emotions and intentions trying not to disrupt the illusion he created. Josh…Billy sighed in his thought…what was wrong with his little brother? Always searching for his "perfect love," instead of realizing it was right before him all of the time.
"Forest for the trees…" Billy muttered under his breath.
Reva heard the words, and came back to reality.
"What did you say?" she asked.
"Aww… nothing. So what are you going to do now Reva?" Billy's question hung heavy in the air. It was the same thought that had been circling her world all morning long.
Reva's gaze fell to her lap. She felt as if Pandora's Box had been set at her feet and it was her call whether to open it or not. Unfortunately she guessed it had already been opened before her in last night's raging confusion.
"I don't know Billy," Reva began then stopped consumed by the gravity of it all while trying desperately to not let it show.
"Well what's to know, you love him don't you?" Billy asked knowing he needed to coax her true feelings a little. She always only revealed as much as she wanted someone to believe leaving the rest bubbling under.
"I do. You know that, but he's with Cassie, and…and even if he's not anymore, how on earth can he just move from one love to another in a single evening. I just…just don't understand him anymore." Reva's voice was full of pain, a pain she could no longer disguise.
It almost always broke Billy in two when Reva, trying to pretend life was just fine, spoke to him on waves of tears. He knew he needed to be strong. He knew Josh didn't love Cassie like he loved Reva. Goodness… from the minute he saw Josh and Reva's eyes meet as kids, he knew beyond a doubt he was hers. However there was also the matter of making sure this time they didn't tear into each other again. If ever there were two lovers who could destroy love as soon as they made it, it was them.
Reva looked so tired. He felt the weight bearing down upon her and knew she was once again trying to fool everyone with her dancing eyes, and casual remarks. Here at Cross Creek however, surrounded by the past she shared with Josh and the threat of an uncertain future facing her, it was harder for her to keep the illusion. Billy knew her all too well and saw through the act.
"Well…sometimes it is better to forgive a mistake then let it consume who you are," Billy suggested, testing the waters of her world. He added, "You amaze me sometimes how far you will BOTH go."
"Billy Lewis you know I wanted to tell Josh about the cancer, but I just couldn't…I couldn't let it destroy him like it was destroying me," Reva's voice raised a storm brewing behind her eyes, "Besides how does that give him the right to fall in love with…with…without ME!" She added softer... "To ... to fall out of love with me so very quickly?"
"Now he wants to…he wants to come back I guess, and I should be happy right? After all this is what I wanted, but yet I kept reading that card, and thinking those thoughts. And you know what? I'm not happy, I'm not sure, I'm just…just lost so lost Billy…How could things have gone so wrong, so very, very wrong?" The words rushed from her lips, almost beyond her control.
With tears threatening to spill, Reva glanced over at Billy. Like a sudden shock of freezing water, clarity hit her. She finally saw her own real, true hurt spread out before her. It really didn't have anything to do with Josh's cool indifference to her situation, it had to do with his ability to cast her love aside and move from woman to woman searching for a perfect fit while she sat in the wings waiting.
Billy was up, over, and beside her before the first tear fell, arms around her, he held her as she sobbed. The two sat alone. She brought with her tears enough for him to shed as well, he guessed, because he too was crying. He held her against him, his hand gently smoothing her hair as he had so many times in the year before. A small part of him still wished, as he did when she lay in her hospital bed with cancer consuming her, that just once her heart would slip and his name would escape her lips instead.
"Reva, I can't stand to see you hurt so badly." Billy's voice broke the silence of the moment.
"Oh I'm…I'm sorry. Sometimes it just seems like I shove all of my pain and problems onto you, and you really don't need to handle it. After all, I can take care of myself," Reva sniffed as she said it.
"Well nobody doubts that, however we can all use a friend once in awhile huh?" Billy voice was soft and laced with emotion.
"A best friend," she whispered.
Leaning back, he reached into his pocket and offered her a handkerchief.
"Thanks," she said drying her tears as he watched her.
"You are always there for me, aren't you," Reva sighed resting her head against his shoulder.
"Well, Reva girl, that's what friends do, through thick and thin", Billy replied.
Reva didn't have to see his face to know that big old grin was ear to ear, even though his eyes were full of tears. Sometimes, just every now and then, she wondered why she couldn't fall completely for him. Though the true reasons behind the idea loomed in back of her mind, she chose the fantasy of wondering why, over the reality of knowing why.
"Oh Billy, sometimes with you things just feel so…so…" her voice trailed off.
"Right" Billy finished not missing a beat.
"Exactly…but yet what's so strange is that sometimes when things feel so right…they turn out to be so very, very…" Reva stopped not wanting to give voice to the thought.
"Wrong." Billy added smiling sadly, "Yes Reva I do understand exactly what ya mean."
Both friends sat there side by side, sharing the empty spaces between them. Then, Billy turned and looked directly into Reva's blue eyes. They were still so wet from tears, and so laced with a special brand of uncertainty that only comes when a woman dances with a man on the line of lover-turned-friend.
"I know you love Josh. I know you both breathe for a moment in each others presence be it good or bad, and I know you will never love me like that...like him," he said taking her hand in his, so much smaller and softer then his own.
"It doesn't bother me because I have something…a piece of you….a piece of you that is always only mine, something my little brother cannot ever touch." Billy said.
His words were soft and mysterious and Reva was held captive trying to guess the message they were weaving.
"Dylan." Billy said softly, "I …we, have Dylan."
Reva's mouth opened, "What?" she said, more to herself then Billy.
"Yes Reva. We created this little piece of us that occasionally calls and says 'Hey dad!' That sometimes drops by just to see me, and when I see him, no matter what kinda crazy tales follow behind, I see us standing strong and proud. For a moment there is no Josh, no Josh and Reva… no always…there is just me and you Reva …just me and you looking right back at me." Billy's voice trembled a bit as his words caught.
"Oh, but Billy…we never…we never raised our son together." Reva said thinking of what they both must have missed in her giving the baby up.
"It doesn't matter to me Reva…it's all water under the bridge girl. What I see…all I see is a living breathing reminder that no matter where you go, or where I go, or who we both end up lovin' when we are old and gray, our love goes on. Now with Daisy back here it is just more of the same. Hell that girl makes me laugh! Sometimes she has that same fire in her as you did back then." Billy was smiling again; almost laughing thinking of the granddaughter they had also had a hand in creating.
"So see what one night can do? One night can change the course of a two lives forever; you just gotta have faith that if you give it time, good will come back around to you. Sometimes it just gets a little lost along the way is all." Billy was now holding both of Reva's hands in his.
"Oh, and yes I do love Marah, Shayne, and Jonathan too, but Dylan…well he's my little piece of us the one thing that makes it so easy to remember which flowers you like, and when you need to be held, or hollered at," Billy added a playfulness in his eyes as he continued, "but even without him...well…I'm pretty sure I'd still know those things, after all it wasn't just Josh paying attention to you all these years."
Reva felt tears spilling across her cheeks. She never knew that Billy felt this way. His words resonated through her mind reaching to her very sole. She loved him - that was true, a big teddy bear of a man who was quite a mix of boyish charm as well. Her protector and confidant, she was astounded by his admission.
"Billy Lewis I love you to the bottom of my heart I do, and I always will. I'm glad a piece of us goes on as well, however God help the rest of the world." she added breaking into laughter.
Reva leaned in and gave him a sweet, soft kiss. Billy blushed a little despite himself.
"So what….you don't offer a friend some coffee when he comes to visit?" he teased.
"Coming right up," she smiled.
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Back at the Beacon, Josh had finished unpacking. He looked around the quiet, lonely room wondering what to do next. He wanted to call Reva, to hear her voice and try to find out what to do from here, where ever here was for them. Cassie had been a mess when he left, but there was no other way and he'd known it for quite sometime. He knew she was the wrong choice, but for some reason when it came to Reva, his anger and a touch of foolish pride, though he couldn't admit this to her, always played a hand in their demise. Those feelings would take over and he would go adrift away from her clinging to the next island he approached, usually finding in the end that the land he longed for was never very far from his reach. This time, however, he felt they had just about both gone too far. He was beginning to see why she had held the secret of her struggle with her cancer at bay. Reva was stronger than he was, and as he picked up his keys for the drive to Cross Creek, he hoped that that strength would help her hold on and ride out their latest storm.
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Billy followed Reva to the kitchen and sat down, as she moved about, he watched her and knew this was going to be an uphill battle for both she and Josh. She had been hurt too badly this time, and he knew she wasn't done licking those wounds. Truth be known with Reva, one never knew what she'd really do in a situation until she'd up and done it, and usually by that time you were either caught up in the storm, or watching from the shores to see what would happen next.
"So… you never said what you were gonna do about Josh," Billy sounded casual, but he felt protective.
"You know Billy, I don't know. I can't forgive, I can't forget…not right now at least. But I don't feel it is an issue of either of those things anymore. You are right though, last night did change a lot for me and I need to be careful, and not deny the love I still feel for him as I make sense of the rest." Reva sounded just as confused as earlier.
"What is it an issue of then. Reva" Billy asked, he had to know her take on it. It was eating him up inside.
She set down a cup in front of him, Billy lifted it sipped the hot liquid waiting for her reply. The kitchen was so very sunny and shouldn't be filled by the shadows of this conversation.
"I think it is an issue of acceptance, just sheer acceptance. The thought that maybe we will always be just two people chasing different versions of the same dream, like children creating pictures in the clouds. With acceptance though, I think I can see him for who he is, and what he does. And maybe if he can do the same with me, then we'd really wouldn't be so far apart." Reva said, "But I'm not sure."
Tears threatened again, she was holding them back, wave after wave, in a daring attempt to calm the tide within.
"Sounds to me like an honest start is what you both need, air that darn dirty laundry, then fold it up and move on to something else…TOGETHER", Billy replied, "It's not good to hold onto some things in life Reva, best if you listen with your hearts as well as your heads, BOTH of you this time."
Then looking at his watch he said, "Oh Boy, time for me to get going, Lewis Oil won't run itself we both know that."
"I'll walk you the door," Reva smiled, "…how did you get so smart Billy Lewis?"
"I learned a lot of what I know from you, Reva, so don't sell yourself short, whether it be Josh or someone else, just be true to ...you." Billy took Reva's hand and they walked to the door.
"Don't you be a stranger," She smiled; her voice flirting with his thoughts.
"Impossible," Billy said, taking her face in his hands he leaned down and kissed her.
Josh meanwhile had pulled into the drive of Cross Creek, he sat in the car for a few minutes. He felt like a boy waiting to meet a girl's daddy on the first date. He was so nervous; he knew it would take a lot of building to create the bridges needed to fill the spaces this latest chapter had left in their relationship. One thing was sure, Reva was imprinted into his very sole and nothing could take her away. He still loved her in the light, and he felt this burning rush of desire to hold her and tell her over and over again that he always would. He began to make his way up to the door, looking down he realized he was standing in the very same spot they had struggled in last night. Perhaps, like a baptism of sorts that water had drawn them together. What was it about the two of them and water he wondered as he continued towards the door, like a river to the sea he guessed it was always only a matter of time.
Reva heard the sound before she could break away from Billy to look. It was like someone clearing their throat. Glancing at the screen door her breath caught and all at once a name sat on the edge of her lips. Leaning against the frame, one leg crossed over the other and arms folded in front of him was Joshua. His head cocked to the side with a smile gently resting on his lips he looked in on them.
"Hello Reva…Billy", he said with a nod of his head. He looked more amused than anything else.
"Joshua…" Reva said her voice losing its way.
"Well… I best be going, I think you two can take if from here, thanks for the coffee." Eyebrows raised Billy smiled and opened the screen, "Josh." He said with a nod.
Reva had a 'don't you dare leave me here like this' look in her eyes. Billy wasn't worried though; he knew he posed only a harmless, possibly irritating threat, but nothing to write home about.
Josh caught the screen with his hand as Billy walked by. Both brothers were eye to eye…no words were needed for their exchange to be complete. Then Billy walked away, not looking back till he reached his car. He saw the screen door shut, and Reva was lost to him. He started the car, licking his own wounds, and with his heart forever a little broken he drove away.
"Josh, it's…it's not what you might think," she said thinking here we go again, and bracing herself for his barrage of accusations.
Josh so very softly traced the curve of Reva's jaw with his fingertips. He took her face in his hands, and looked straight into those eyes that were so much like home for him. It was as if he was trying to capture this moment in his mind.
"Reva, I hope it is exactly what I think…two friends spending the morning together…just like they should," then he added, "nothing more."
Smiling he leaned in and met her lips, his coaxing hers lazily into a kiss that, despite her mixed emotions, turned out to be not half bad!
WRITTEN BY: TANIA ROBERTS
