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K. I hven't checked in here as much as I should have lately, I admit that, life just gets busy......we all know. This said. The passing of MJ has been hard for me. He was in my life for almost as long as I can remember, and yes, I am aging myself, lol.

He was a young teen when he burst upon my life, part of the Jackson 5. We loved them, they competed with the Osmonds, the Partridges, etc. We had binders, folders, lunch boxes, posters, Saturday morning cartoons, etc. It was all there. ABC, I'll be there, Ben, etc. It's no different than the Miley's, Jonah's, etc. of today for our children. They/He was IT. We loved the Jackson Five and most of all we loved Michael!

He perservered. Beyond that cute little boy, beyond that handsome young teen with all his brothers. Surprise! He had talent! Amazing talent! Without them, HE HAD TALENT! His Thriller video was the first black performer video played on MTV! Did I know that at the time? No! I just watched and was entertained, just like I was entertained five minuters ago while watching it again. Like I will always be stunned at the music and choreography of it.

Yes there was controversy. I choose not to believe it today, just like I chose to disbelieve it yesterday. Call me stupid, call me whatever. I say it's all opportunisim. He made some questionable choices given his place in the world, without a doubt, but I don't believe they were made with malice, moreso with innocence. Goodness knows, I've sat or even reclined on beds while watching movies or playing videos with my boys friends, am I a pedofile? No, I am not.

I shudder tonight as a young friend of my sons, a son of my good friend chooses to critizise Michael in my own home. He chooses to critizise his race, his color. "He's not good in my house", he tells my son. What!? My own sons struggle to understand his face changes, his color changes, which I have discussed with them. But I am at a loss to understand why, or how, to overcome this. I do not live a a racial household, though I live in a racial area. I had words with this childs mother the night of MJ's death and made it only so clear to her that "I", regardless of her thoughts, viewed this as a huge loss and understood her not doing so......but still......do we teach hate? Am I not allowed to "love" Michael? Am I suppose to hate him because of his color? Because of the changes? Because of the charges? Because of what? Can we not all agree to disagree? He's dead. Can we not love and worry for his children? I would like to, but, at the same time, I get condenscending looks and simpering smiles when he comes up, or should I say when the nasty comments/jokes come out. Really?! Really? This is where we've gone to? I refuse to believe. I refuse. It has caused a rift, quite frankly, in a otherwise close relationship between myself and my friend.

I am appalled. I am hurt. Regardless.

I will always miss Michael.

God Bless You Michael! Thank you for the years! RIP!